the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
