Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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