she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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