What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
