We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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