tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
