i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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