I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
