Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
