Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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