I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cannot find my penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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