Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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