Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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