The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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