No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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