you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
