I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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