so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
