Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
