I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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