I faked an abortion last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
