I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
