I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
