So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
