so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
