Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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