Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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