well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
