Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize