I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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