come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
