Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
