I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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