Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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