Umm I'm too high to move.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
