Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
