I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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