You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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