Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
