i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
