you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
