I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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