So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
