If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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