I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
