dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
