if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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