so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
