Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
