she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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