we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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