But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well you can't waste a boner
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
