He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
