she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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