Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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