Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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