Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
