I'm so fucking centered right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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