I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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