I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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