Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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