i don't like sucking hair
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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