you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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