Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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