all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
