My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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