I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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