remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is wine microwaveable?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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