Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
