whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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