Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
