Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
