I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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