Got a toothbrush?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
