Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
