Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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