Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
