Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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