the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
