I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize