We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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