At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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