His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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